Loneliness

More familiar than my mother's voice
More distinct than a lovers caress

As much a part of me
as the color of my eyes
and the blood in my veins.

The only constant in my life
It's grown with me through the years.

Like a force field it surrounds me,
protecting itself
insulating me

from joy,
from laughter,
from life,
and love

Foolishly,I deny it
I act like it doesn't exist

pretend that I'm not immersed
in the chill of separation it created
for me since
childhood

only to return to the truth,
my truth
that I am plagued by this darkness
that enveloped me since my beginning

invading my heart
spreading beyond my physical being
surrounding me,
holding me,
suffocating me,
seducing me.

It says we will never be apart
that no one will ever know me the way it does
that no one will ever touch me the way it does
that no one will ever live
in my heart the way it does.

I comply
give in

surrender to
it's coercion
and die

a
silent
death

night
by
night